The tears I feel today
I'll wait to shed tomorrow.
Though I'll not sleep this night
Nor find surcease from sorrow.
My eyes must keep their sight:
I dare not be tear-blinded.
I must be free to talk
Not choked with grief, clear-minded.
My mouth cannot betray
The anguish that I know.
Yes, I'll keep my tears til later:
But my grief will never go.

From Dragonsinger, by Anne McCaffrey. In her honor.

Okay, sometimes dreams can inspire, even in a round-a-bout way, things that make you go "Hmmmm..."

I had one of those dreams this morning. The dream itself had me caste in a role where I was confidant, in control, and facing challenges that I could conquer.

While telling breimh about the dream, I mentioned that I had felt a little like a combination of Indiana Jones, Harry Potter and Harry Dresden (yes, I was a male in my dream, don't ask me why). This got me thinking about Harry Dresden and that got me somehow to thinking about the eternal question, "Why am I here?"

My answer to that question is that we are here to, if even in some small way, influence the universe with our distinctiveness.

Of course, as a card-carrying Star Trek Geek, my brain went to "We will add your biological distinctiveness to our own"... the Borg chant.

Suddenly, I realized, humanity is several levels of the Borg Collective. We are assimilated at birth with no choice, joining into and being absorbed by our family. Then our culture assimilates us, and so forth. Resistance is Futile.

Discussing the matter further with my husband, I also thought about how our influences, no matter how insignificant they may seem to us, could have serious repercussions upon others. ANY loss of that influence caused by a time-traveller, could be disastrous.

Take this example. You're walking along the street and a complete stranger walks by eating a doughnut. Suddenly, the thought of eating a doughnut occurs to you. So, unplanned, you walk into that big-brand coffee shop. Oooh! Doughnut and coffee! So you get your doughnut and coffee and continue on the way. You pass another stranger and they smell your coffee. Suddenly she wants to have coffee. She turns into that same store. There, she stands in the sudden line of cafFiends, waiting her turn and the guy behind her bumps into her while he's reaching into the cold case for a yogurt. He apologizes, she smiles back and they chat for a moment about the weather. She gets her coffee and leaves, but thinks, "Gosh he was cute. I wonder if he's a regular." The next day she returns, they become friends and eventually marry. They have kids... etc.

Now. Imagine what would have happened if that first stranger had not been at that spot at that time to inspire you to stop in the coffee shop. The chances of her meeting Mr. Cute drop significantly in a large city where there's coffee shops on every corner (in Seattle, this is very literal). The chain of events is broken, and the time line changes.

As much as I personally like the fantasy of going back in time and changing something, Voyager's "Year of Hell" 2-part episode helps drive my point home. You fool with time on any scale, and you ruin what you know. Let's not do it folks. This goes the same for traveling forwards... just make the best choices you can now, and work towards your ideal future.

Another Philosophical discussion that started up was in response to a post on Facebook by the Star Trek group of "Who is the smartest character in DS9" begged the question, pure intelligence or intelligence with the wisdom to use it? We kinda left it there... ;)

There are times when just the expression of the character makes the whole joke. Last panel, the platypus.

I have my cookies & Cup o Noodles.

No coffee.

I'm going in.

God have mercy on our souls.

(Man, am I tired.)

I'm still getting by, feeling a bit worn out but managing.

This Saturday will be a busy day for me. I get to sleep in to 6am or so (I don't know if I'll actually set an alarm) and get up to walk a mile to the express bus (the Swift) to take me to get an ugly picture of myself taken. Yep... it's time to renew my driver's license. I need to do it on the weekend, since I don't have the opportunity to take a weekday off, and the nearest office open on a weekend is in Lynnwood.

I have some concern about the vision test. Since my eye injuries, my vision isn't very good, and my eyeglass prescription is 21 years old and though most of those years it was fine, the changes in my eyes has made it that the ONLY reason I wear my glasses now is when driving, since they help me read the signs. As of this last weekend, I've stopped wearing my glasses. I have a pair of magnifying eyeglasses I carry with me, but my regular glasses are no longer comfortable to wear nor even very useful for their original purpose, reading.

However, the glasses still help me for reading road signs, so I'll take them (or wear them) to the licensing office and most likely end up with an eyeglass restriction. We'll see. Heh.

Not much to say about this week.

I had 2 very early days at work where ladyofthemasque was so generous as to drive me to work. Fortunately my manager knows I can't really be at work before 7am or stay later than 6pm for the time being. This next week's schedule is all 7am starts, but my shift endings vary from 2pm (get home 4p-4:15p) to 6pm (get home around 8:10p). The 2pm shifts mean I get no lunches, so I will be taking sandwiches to hork down on my last 15 min break.

Today, after a quiet morning online and such, breimh and I will be going to the AFK Tavern to see if any of the Seattle Browncoats show up to the meetup we've tried to schedule. It's supposed to be a card game meetup, with poker likely to be the game of choice (no real money involved), but I've never really played poker...

Yesterday, breimh and I did some grocery shopping, which is more challenging when you need to walk nearly a mile to the store and then haul the goods back, uphill. I'm sure this is all getting me into better shape, which I can live with. It does make me appreciate having a car all the more. We then went back down the hill later in the day to go out to dinner, a minor splurge on our parts, considering it was McD's AND we were using coupons! Two meals, plus extra for "leftovers" for under $20... works for me.

I just finished ladyofthemasque's most recent novel, Finding Destiny. I very much enjoyed it. The book is technically 4 short stories, but they are all interlinked by characters. A character briefly introduced in part 1 is featured in part 2, while a character introduced in part 2 is featured in part 3, and a final character, introduced in part 2 (not part 3) is featured in part 4. As usual, she paints a rich world and intriguing characters and situations. I only regret they were short stories, and not full novels that would allow the richness of the characterizations develop. I found one part of Part 3 seemed to jump a little awkwardly, leaving me wondering if I'd missed a full chapter or something, but it was probably a concession to keep the book at a certain size. I'm looking forward to the next novel to come out.

I'm feeling rather tapped these days. My mind and heart are screaming to do something creative, but I find after long days with my new commuting method, wherein each week I lose sleep and find myself "making it up" on the weekends, I don't have the energy or the inspiration to do them. I'm hoping to start running RPG games again, at least now and then, to help inspire me. My best inspirations have come when I'm playing or running in games.

As for the future of getting a car... there's one on the offering block, but getting it transported from California up here is the big challenge, and I understand there is a recent mechanical issue. We'll see how things pan out. I'm also worried about being able to manage it financially, with pending garnishments to arrive...

When I left work last night, it wasn't even that cold. Not even that cloudy.

1 hour after I got home, it started snowing.

This morning there's about an inch and a half down.

BUT... the weather stuff says it's turning to rain.

I get to walk to work in the snow. I don't mind that. Just not really sure how the buses will be.

Off I go.

I have my overnight stuff packed up and in nylima's car, so if the snow is worse than we expect, and the buses don't run right, I'm covered to spend the night somewhere south. I can pray someplace more hospitable than the training room of my office, but that is probably where I'd end up.

It's cold. Twenty seven Fahrenheit right now. I see the forecast has changed from snow to snow to ice, then rain. Brrr.

And it's 01-11-11. I guess it's not enough numbers to be binary. I guess. I don't know binary.

It's a long shift tonight. My calculations tell me IF snow or ice don't become a problem, I should be home around 8:15pm. That's 16 hours from now. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Sometime very soon I need to find time to call a wrecking yard or something to haul off the junker.

I've slept 23 hours out of this weekend. That's catching up from lost sleep during the week. I can't sleep on the bus, though I can nod quite a bit, which makes me nervous.

It snowed last night. Not very heavy... enough to blanket rooftops and grass, but only a little bit on street and sidewalk. This week is gonna be cold. I'm learning how to layer again.

Today's itinerary calls for a trip to the store, and hopefully more relaxing. I'm still very drowsy and worn out, and since the Seahawks won their Playoff game, tomorrow may just be pretty damned busy on the phones.

If I've got oomph and time today, I may work on the plans for my Ironclaw story.